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The Epic Story of Gabe Newell
In the year 20XX, at the Valve office... Gabe: WHAT? What do you mean nobody bought "Portal 2: Episode 2"? Heavy: *read in Heavy's voice*People just want Half Life 2: Episode 3 and nothng more. Gabe: ...3? GLaDOS: I knew you couldn't count that far. Gabe: Pfft, explain test chamber 3 then. GLaDOS: I made that. Gabe: Oh. Well, you don't understand.... Heavy: Understand what? Gabe: I.... GLaDOS: Say it or I will get out your old friend "Nerutoxin" to come and say hi. Gabe: I lost Half Life 2: Episode 3. I had just got finished with development, and then... GLaDOS: You LOST it? What next, you lost Portal 3, didn't you? Gabe: ..... GLaDOS: Nevermind that, i'll handle that later. Look, we're bankrupt. Find the data or we're toast. Gabe: No, I didn't just loose Portal 3, it was stolen too. GLaDOS: ... Gabe: This isn't working. GLaDOS: My scanners are picking up some weird media disc in test chamber 3. Gabe: ....um, I got to go. GLaDOS: Oh no you don't. We need that disc, and you're the only one who can go and get it. Gabe: What about the product testers? Weren't they coming here today? GLaDOS: ...just get the disc before work hours. We can't let anyone know you lost it. **** Gabe: So all I got to do is get to t est chamber 3, right? GLaDOS: Yes, I've sent you to chamber 1 right now. Gabe: Alrigh- HOLY CRAP TURRETS! GLaDOS: I completely forgot about those... look, whatever you do, stay out of their site. Gabe: You mean these lazers? GLaDOS: ... Gabe: GET ME OUT OF HERE! GLaDOS: NO! You need to get that disc back! Gabe: OHMYGODTHESELAZERS Heavy: MAN UP, DON'T BE A BABY! Gabe: Why didn't you go in the first place? Heavy: ...I can't fit through the door. (Sorry guys... i'm about to delay Half Life 2: Episode 3...) *Gaben's fat mirrors the turret lazers back* Gabe: Woo... I'm safe. GLaDOS: Now you need to jump across this lava. Gabe: WHY DID YOU EVEN MAKE THESE CHAMBERS??? GLaDOS: Scientific thrills. **** GLaDOS: Okay, good. Now you are in test chamber two. Gabe: How come that 2 was in letters unlike all the others in this story? GLaDOS: To spawn a 4th wall joke. Now be careful, this test chamber has z Gabe: ZOMBIES! GLaDOS: Yeah I needed to get L4D in this too. Gabe: THEY'RE CIRCLING ME! GLaDOS: GET OUT OF THERE! Gabe: HOW? GLaDOS: Run though the zombies! Gabe: I can't do that... but I CAN eat them! (Half Life 2 Episode 3 delayed again) **** Gabe: I'm finally here... GLaDOS: Chamber 3. Gabe: I see the disc. It's in the middle of the room. GLaDOS: Careful now, it's a tr- Gabe: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Heavy: Oh this is bad. Gabe: Zombies, Turrets, Lav- wait. I've dealed with this things before. GLaDOS: Yes, but they have been enhanced to kill and are twice as powerful. Gabe: Then I will.... TURN INTO SUPER GABE NEWELL! GLaDOS: ...close enough. Gabe: *shoots giant lazers out of eyes. *All the Zombies, Turrets, and things die* Gabe: I DID IT!!! *crack* Gabe: OH NO THE DISC! Heavy: Oh this is bad. **** Gabe: This isn't working. GLaDOS: Well tape is all we got, and work hours are about to start. You need to think of something before everyone sees this. Gabe: I know.... I will make a new Half Life 2 Episode 3! GLaDOS: ..you just edited the cover... and retextured the actual game. Gabe: I know. Activision did it with Call of Duty. GLaDOS: ...this is perfect! We have such low budget we couldn't even make a new game. With this, we can milk the series and not spend a single dime! Gabe: ........okay. Heavy: Then we can buy a new HQ. GLaDOS: What? What's wrong with this place? Gabe: It's a giant box mansion. With lots of money we could make Aperture Labs REAL! GLaDOS: Sounds good to me. Let's throw a party in our success! The End. Category:Random Works! Category:Pages by Alternate Phineas or his old account. Category:Gabe Newell Category:Stories Category:Portal Category:Team Fortress 2 Category:Half Life 2 Category:GABE NEWELL